Well, at least it f e e l s like there should be more time, but that feeling doesn’t resemble the reality of it.
This weird feeling of having a floodgate of time while pushing through so much uncertainty, has led me into a new obsession. This new obsession has me on the look out for new webinars.
I can’t stop myself from indulging in. This new habit has me getting excited about finding and registering for webinars. Then after I register, I make a conscious effort to then mark it in my calendar. But when the time comes for me to participate, it just goes over my head and will end up completely missing it.
Now I’m wondering if this is the new equivalent of saying yes to plans of going out but then cancelling, you know, pre-quarantine making plans to ditch it last minute routine.
But for the few that I’ve actually sat down in front of my camera for and listened in to, were so interesting and informative. I get this sense of community because of the group of strangers all listening to the same topic at the same time. It’s a fun way of having comradery during this weird yet unsafe period in time. If the event were in person, realistically, I wouldn’t go out of my way to attend, unfortunately, and even if it were for free.
Deep down, I have all the intentions to participate. But one daily challenge has been to pinpoint those priority tasks, which then make it challenging to commit to even listening in on the webinar. It was easier to know what to prioritize because I knew that it was everything outside of the house, meaning, I had to be physical present at my college, or I had to be present at my internship or job building. Everywhere else except my home.
Maybe I’ll cut back on the number of webinars I’ll sign up for or get more organized with my home-schooling-work-internship quarantine schedule routine. Either option won’t solve the main question of identifying those all-important tasks that I need to finish for the day. I’ll probably have to get better at working faster to save enough time to complete everything else and still make it to the webinar… fingers crossed.
Lovely, I’m congratulating myself. I’m congratulating myself because I finally landed an internship. The internship I’ve planned to get a few semesters ago and one of the main driving reasons that I decided to go back to earn my first bachelor’s degree. An internship I’ve been secretly afraid to land on account that: I’m terrified of messing up big time, my time was limited because of my toddler, and the risk of not being paid for the time I spend working.
It all happened suddenly and before the interview was over, I was agreeing to start later in the same week of my interview. I was surprised but glad that I didn’t have to wait until they let me know that I was accepted for the internship. But I was also aware that the company desperately needed people to start as soon as possible.
The position is to help the production department. Especially during the holiday season when they needed the assistance the most since majority of the fulltime employees were taking off for the holiday break.
This internship is giving me a good idea of what I’m more interested in and the type of environment or organization I would like to build my career from. Also, the added bonus of being paid for the days there, the oddly relaxed flexibility of hours and getting some most needed job experience in the process is a huge accomplishment for me. For the longest time, I didn’t believe in myself to realize I could make it happen for myself. I’m still fighting those thoughts about my own abilities and try to prove my own harsh self-critic wrong by showing that I actually can.
So far, I’m doing things I didn’t expect and that’s cause the company Is quite big and everyone has their set tasks and responsibilities. It’s interested to get a behind the scenes view of the hierarchy of an organization. But am I missing out on something else? am I lowering my capabilities to settle for just the first choice that crossed my path? Plus, did I really earn the position if the head manager was willing to accept anyone that crossed thier path? I’m still pondering over it…
As per usual, September kicked off with a back to school rush and without a snap, September was over. Although truthfully, planning for the semester kicked of during the beginning of August. The last sweet month of summer was overshadowed by meetings over the plans for the semester ahead. Now that this is my final year of my bachelor’s degree, I volunteered to be the secretary of the production management club in my college. Never had I put myself in this type of role before, with these new responsibilities and especially collaborating with a team. I initially was excited but fearful, my fear kicked in whenever I would start thinking that I might do something wrong that comes back tenfold. This fear has always haunted me, which I often have to tell myself to pause and rethink it before it happens. It’s a strange feeling going from two extremes like being absolutely positive about a certain choice or decision and then doubtful about it all. But thankfully, the responsibilities are spread around, just in case we need to pick up after one another. However, even with my doubts, I’m still tempted to take on more and more responsibilities for the sake of getting more experience as a leader. But I need to remind myself that realistically, I can’t do it all without losing something else equally or more important.
One particular activity that was introduced to us early on, was a collaboration with an industry meetup group. The collaboration included the club’s execs teaming up other clubs to oversee the production of a full garment designed by the students and then manufactured by an assigned business. The students would then document and present our observations in an event hosted by the meetup group. The collaboration was fascinating to me and I couldn’t wait to get inside an actual factory, but the details of the project were more exciting than what it turned out to be, at least for me. I was assigned to a manufacturer that considered themselves a start-up and I had no clue as to how we would communicate.
We made it through and luckily for me, I got what I wanted to experience, which was to initiate something on my own without having someone guide me along the way or telling me what I needed to figure out. I was mindful to stay on track with what needed to be completed, I was mindful about keeping meeting and dates planned out and I kept telling myself that the main objective of this project was “pr” for both of the members of the teams. It was a bit annoying because, metaphorically speaking, I was moving left, while the founder of the business I was assigned to was going right and I’m not referencing political agendas here. I later realized that the cofounder was building her startup using all of her skills regardless of any “real” in depth knowledge of what was introduced in schools or industry. We used that lack of knowledge to our advantage to introduce and speak about her business. She kept reminding me that people, overall, want to hear the story behind the cause most of the time and micro details come later.
Let me tell you a little story about these sneakers. These sneakers took me probably a year to convince myself to actually buy, unfortunately. As I was browsing through most of the options available through the ASOS website for my size, I kept reminding myself that this browsing experience was going to be different! It was going to be different because I was actually going to fulfill the online order and spend some hard-earned money.
It’s been a tough year and my sneakers are a sure reflection of it. One poor darling sneaker, a pair of black Nike lunar glides, first started with a small hole on the surface of the fabric above the toes. But then gradually widened into a semi noticeable hole, which small pebbles could easily slip through. Another darling, a pair of grey and lime green Nike air max’s, are at point where the outside looks pretty good, but the inside is starting to tear apart. My left ones heal counter skeleton is exposed because of the fabric friction. Lastly my third darling, a pair of grey sketchers sneaker, have bore the manic New York weather from heavy rain to post snowstorm slush and now the inside is not in the best condition, let’s just keep it at that.
These three were on repeat on a weekly basis, especially during my tough school schedule. For months, I didn’t have other options, or my other options wouldn’t have helped my commuting situation. I wanted to look cute, but I also didn’t want to get blisters. I finally told myself enough is enough, my current selection is on the verge of popping! At first, I thought I was exaggerating but then I heard on the news of a basketball player whose shoe popped during the middle of his tournament in the NCAA, the signs were everywhere and my conscious kept telling me just do it. So, this time I listened.
I couldn’t have picked a better time, ASOS was having a mid-summer sale which meant that I might be getting a little discount on something. But I just needed to be open minded enough to swoop up something good. It felt like a game at 6am, the excitement of finding a new pair was enough to keep me up. As I was putting some in my cart, I kept scrolling for more and making sure that I wasn’t missing out on page 10. By the time I had a chance to narrow my choices, some of my most coveted items were already gone in my size. No way! I had told myself; I had invested so much of my time on scrolling that time flew by and ASOS has one basic rule that I ignored. In the Asos online cart, the items you pick stay there for only an hour and that little bit of information surprised me. The items I really wanted were gone but I wasn’t going to “leave” without something getting ordered. When I finally fulfilled the order, I felt like I was still missing something but to much time was already invested just to go back and keep looking for other items to add, you know. It was the feeling of what economist would say “opportunity lost”.
To be candid, why did it take me a year to buy something that I desperately needed but didn’t cave in until my items were falling apart: guilt. The guilt of buying something for myself for the sake of vanity was unbearable during times where it was financially tough for our family. Before, vanity would jumpstart an impulsive pattern of buying something without having a designated purpose. Before I didn’t hold back, I had yet to learn the lessons of household economics. But before things changed, we had dual incomes and suddenly in the middle of the year we were down to one annual income. Resources weren’t completely scarce but if we weren’t careful, it could drain fast and the needs of our infant were top priority. I’ve now realized that going through a series of unanticipated occurrences are unforgettable learning experiences, borderline traumatic actually. Which it was for us and which is why, I could do without a new pair of sneakers for a while.
Over the weekend, my family and I ventured out to another part of town in Brooklyn called Greenpoint. We went out to celebrate my in-laws anniversary and to have some quality family time. We hadn’t set aside time to catch up since I started my first semester back for my bachelors degree and since my mother-in-law works as a professor at a local college, her work schedule has been more demanding. My in-laws have been married for 27 years and were in the mood to try something different. Since they hadn’t tried Thai food, we all went to try a Thai restaurant once in Greenpoint.
As we were walking towards the restaurant after parking the car in a dark residential street, we noticed the brightly lite corner of the residential block we had just parked on. The facade was painted white, with windows wide enough to barely make out what exactly was inside. The more we peered, the sooner we realized it was a cafe, but maybe a bakery? As we walked away, we were left wondering what could be inside.
Once inside, what stood out to me the most was how beautifully delicate yet calming the layout was. The big cooling refrigerator case of macaroons were lined up with multicolored cookies and on top were cakes of different flavors. The back walls listed the menu in chalk, as well as positive messages on other walls also written in chalk. Everything available looked appetizing and minimal decor was inspirational.
I could envision myself leisurely catching up on my reading while sipping a cup of cocoa on a cold winter day, if I lived close by that is. I was mesmerized & enjoyed those extra lingering minutes just sitting on that white painted chair after we had finished our melted marshmallow chocolate dipped desert.
I’m in a plateau in my fitness journey and I think it has to do with the way I’ve been eating. Although I’ve been trying to be very careful with what types of foods I eat, I’m now realizing that it is not enough to truly change the numbers on the scale. But I am happy to say that my weight is finally starting to hover around the number that I was pre-preganancy. For the short period of time that I’ve been a mother, I’ve been going easy with myself by being conscious to not say negative things to myself about my body or how awkward my belly looks hanging over my c-section scar.
I finally got the courage to test my confidence and put on this fitted midi length Forever 21 knit black dress with a scoop neckline and short sleeves that I randomly found as I was sorting through the racks inside a messy Forever 21 store on 34th street in Manhattan. It was the last one that I could see around and sadly, it had some damages but I didn’t care. I was so in love with the silhouette and especially with the versatility of having it closed all the way or leaving room for ventilation lol that I bought it with a little damage discount to knock off some dollas off of the original price. I took it home and it fit right in with the rest of my pieces, an easy comfy dress to mix and match with other pieces effortlessly.
Estoy en una meseta en mi viaje de entrenamiento y creo que tiene que ver con la forma en que he estado comiendo. Aunque he estado tratando de ser muy cuidadoso con los tipos de alimentos que como, ahora me estoy dando cuenta de que no es suficiente para cambiar realmente los números en la báscula. Pero estoy feliz de decir que mi peso finalmente está comenzando a rondar el número que era antes de la preganancia. Durante el corto período de tiempo que he sido madre, me he vuelto tranquilo al ser consciente de no decirme cosas negativas acerca de mi cuerpo o de lo incómodo que se ve mi barriga sobre mi cicatriz de cesárea.
Finalmente, tuve el coraje de poner a prueba mi confianza y ponerme este vestido midi 21 color negro Forever equipado con cuello redondo y mangas cortas que encontré al azar mientras clasificaba los estantes dentro de una desordenada tienda Forever 21 en la calle 34 en Manhattan . Fue el último que pude ver y, lamentablemente, tuvo algunos daños, pero no me importó. Estaba tan enamorado de la silueta y especialmente con la versatilidad de tenerla cerrada todo el tiempo o dejar espacio para la ventilación jajaja que compré con un pequeño descuento de descuento para quitar algunas dollas del precio original. Me lo llevé a casa y encaja perfectamente con el resto de mis piezas, un vestido cómodo y fácil de combinar y combinar con otras piezas sin esfuerzo.
I can’t even begin to express to you what I had to sacrifice in order to get this video edited and finished. Lots of dirty dishes pilled up, clutter pilled up like Mount Everest, a grumpy husband who had to be attentive to our baby girl and certain level of stress that equals that of a college term paper due the following morning that hasn’t even been started yet lmfao. yea, you know what feeling I’m talking about…
When I was officially done with the video below, I started the process of exporting it to the Youtube 1080p setting. I decided to stop exporting it because I felt like something was wrong since the time frame displayed on the progress window read “14 hours until file complete”. I kept thinking, “14 hours”, practically a whole day? that doesn’t make a lot of sense so I canceled the progress and as soon as I did, all my hard work had randomly disappeared…
I was shook, pissed, scared and annoyed!
How could my MacBook betray me like this (I kept on thinking to myself) and how is it possible that this amazingly expensive video editing tool program thing deleted my work without having any trace of the completed file stashed away somewhere in my files? could this be the work of the illuminati? whom everyone knows keeps an eye on everyone especially on minorities? anyways, I digress and yes, I’m completely exaggerating (and joking! nothing but jokes here, I’m a real comedian lmfao)
In all honesty, I’m proud of myself for magically scouting out all of the missing files that made up the video and finally getting it exported to upload! I still had to spend some more time re-editing some scenes, but it wasn’t as bad as having to re do the wholedarnthing! I’ve been trying to get better at creating content more frequently for my Youtube channel. I’m really trying to build my video editing skills so I can confidently update my LinkedIn profile. Its just a little difficult managing motherhood whilst learning something from scratch.
Which leads me to say that learning to manage your stress and/or intense emotions is also a life skill that many sadly never pay enough attention to. Finding out what works, when suddenly your emotions get so out of hand that it causes you to simply react instead of stopping and thinking is so valuable. Blessed are you if you are one to recognize that as useful and admirable skill to possess. Here are some tips, if you find yourself getting out of control with yourself:
tell yourself its ok and that the moment will pass
step away, step away, step away… you dont want to say or do something that you will regret in the long run
vent to someone, tell someone what just happened and ,perhaps, they might help you sort through it with you.
I’ve listed just a few but by no means are these the only ones. Sometime in the near future, I’ll dive more into this topic in a full blog post. But for now, heres a video on my ASOS haul of knee high black boot shoes and ugly wedding dress options that didn’t look nice on me. Thanks for watching and let me know what you think of my editing skills below!
Its been one hectic start of the new year because this January is extra special. The reason for that is because it is my daughters first birthday, she’s officially turning one years old and it marks a huge milestone for our little family. We have gone through plenty of sleepless nights, some not even due to our daughters needs but from us worrying about our personal finances, lack of job opportunities and that dreaded feeling of helplessness brought by a loss of identity. Although, caring for our baby girl wasn’t as tough as we had in mind, in fact, is was quiet manageable. Those moments where we had to put her to sleep (and keep her asleep) were the most relaxing because it allowed a joyful momentary sense of relief from our worries and concerns. What has truly been tough, is finding a way to get over the uncertainty of our finances. My fiance and I went through some time where we continually questioned who we are because we were stuck in a runt! what should we be doing to change the coarse of our future and what are we missing that we just can’t fully grasp?
It was one long and difficult 2017 but what was consistent was our faith. Our faith become like our backbone whenever we felt like we were stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I am beyond grateful that tomorrow will honestly be the start of a new beginning for us because my fiancé will start his new full time job as an apprentice, but he has high hopes that he could move up within the company. He mentioned to me that he made a great impression with his (future) employers and they all unanimously agreed they wanted to hire him. When I heard the details, I wasn’t surprised, his a great guy and with natural genuine charisma. On the other hand, although I’ve held a part time flexible job throughout the year, it doesn’t pay well. Going forward, I’m going to be applying to different jobs and my only condition is to work from home. I often say that I’ll hire a babysitter, but I’m very weary of someone else watching my daughter, even with my own family.
Anyways, heres a recap of photographs and an awesome video I edited together of our daughters first birthday celebration. I hope you enjoy and let me know in the comments below what you think about the video and my semi botched edited lol. Until next time lovelies!
ps. in the next couple of months I’m planning to change the appearances of my blog so stayed tuned for that!
This was a super casual floral romper for a casual stroll around the park in this crazy humid New York Cityheat. The romper has a trendy off-the-shoulder look with super cute floral motifs of red, pink, blue flowers and leaves that almost look drawn on. It was really comfortable and cute. I’ve been feeling a little anxious lately, mostly because I’ve been researching the classes I’ll need to take to go back to school for a bachelors degree. I’m really excited about the major I’m planning to go into but its going to be really tough for me because its mostly in math. I’ve spend so much time researching what would be the best and most flexible degree for me and my little family for a while now. It was really challenging because there were so many questions that I had about demand, pay scale, etc and nothing that could be answered by simply googling it.
Personally, I wish public high schools would incorporate and encourage other topics, something that’s more relevant long term, to build interest within the kids which would grow into a life skill. Instead of spending so much time on memorizing (what feels like now) useless facts or rules. I completely understand that education is important, but understanding whats valuable and what isn’t is just as important. Its just unfortunate that kids don’t get that time to really explore and question the things around them because of all the time spend on schoolwork or craming for tests… Anyways, I’m just ranting on my own personal experiences.
Perhaps you’ve had a different experience or have a different opinion about the education system, if so lets chat in the comments below! Also, what do you think about this outfit?