Well, at least it f e e l s like there should be more time, but that feeling doesn’t resemble the reality of it.
This weird feeling of having a floodgate of time while pushing through so much uncertainty, has led me into a new obsession. This new obsession has me on the look out for new webinars.
I can’t stop myself from indulging in. This new habit has me getting excited about finding and registering for webinars. Then after I register, I make a conscious effort to then mark it in my calendar. But when the time comes for me to participate, it just goes over my head and will end up completely missing it.
Now I’m wondering if this is the new equivalent of saying yes to plans of going out but then cancelling, you know, pre-quarantine making plans to ditch it last minute routine.
But for the few that I’ve actually sat down in front of my camera for and listened in to, were so interesting and informative. I get this sense of community because of the group of strangers all listening to the same topic at the same time. It’s a fun way of having comradery during this weird yet unsafe period in time. If the event were in person, realistically, I wouldn’t go out of my way to attend, unfortunately, and even if it were for free.
Deep down, I have all the intentions to participate. But one daily challenge has been to pinpoint those priority tasks, which then make it challenging to commit to even listening in on the webinar. It was easier to know what to prioritize because I knew that it was everything outside of the house, meaning, I had to be physical present at my college, or I had to be present at my internship or job building. Everywhere else except my home.
Maybe I’ll cut back on the number of webinars I’ll sign up for or get more organized with my home-schooling-work-internship quarantine schedule routine. Either option won’t solve the main question of identifying those all-important tasks that I need to finish for the day. I’ll probably have to get better at working faster to save enough time to complete everything else and still make it to the webinar… fingers crossed.
Lovely, I’m congratulating myself. I’m congratulating myself because I finally landed an internship. The internship I’ve planned to get a few semesters ago and one of the main driving reasons that I decided to go back to earn my first bachelor’s degree. An internship I’ve been secretly afraid to land on account that: I’m terrified of messing up big time, my time was limited because of my toddler, and the risk of not being paid for the time I spend working.
It all happened suddenly and before the interview was over, I was agreeing to start later in the same week of my interview. I was surprised but glad that I didn’t have to wait until they let me know that I was accepted for the internship. But I was also aware that the company desperately needed people to start as soon as possible.
The position is to help the production department. Especially during the holiday season when they needed the assistance the most since majority of the fulltime employees were taking off for the holiday break.
This internship is giving me a good idea of what I’m more interested in and the type of environment or organization I would like to build my career from. Also, the added bonus of being paid for the days there, the oddly relaxed flexibility of hours and getting some most needed job experience in the process is a huge accomplishment for me. For the longest time, I didn’t believe in myself to realize I could make it happen for myself. I’m still fighting those thoughts about my own abilities and try to prove my own harsh self-critic wrong by showing that I actually can.
So far, I’m doing things I didn’t expect and that’s cause the company Is quite big and everyone has their set tasks and responsibilities. It’s interested to get a behind the scenes view of the hierarchy of an organization. But am I missing out on something else? am I lowering my capabilities to settle for just the first choice that crossed my path? Plus, did I really earn the position if the head manager was willing to accept anyone that crossed thier path? I’m still pondering over it…
As per usual, September kicked off with a back to school rush and without a snap, September was over. Although truthfully, planning for the semester kicked of during the beginning of August. The last sweet month of summer was overshadowed by meetings over the plans for the semester ahead. Now that this is my final year of my bachelor’s degree, I volunteered to be the secretary of the production management club in my college. Never had I put myself in this type of role before, with these new responsibilities and especially collaborating with a team. I initially was excited but fearful, my fear kicked in whenever I would start thinking that I might do something wrong that comes back tenfold. This fear has always haunted me, which I often have to tell myself to pause and rethink it before it happens. It’s a strange feeling going from two extremes like being absolutely positive about a certain choice or decision and then doubtful about it all. But thankfully, the responsibilities are spread around, just in case we need to pick up after one another. However, even with my doubts, I’m still tempted to take on more and more responsibilities for the sake of getting more experience as a leader. But I need to remind myself that realistically, I can’t do it all without losing something else equally or more important.
One particular activity that was introduced to us early on, was a collaboration with an industry meetup group. The collaboration included the club’s execs teaming up other clubs to oversee the production of a full garment designed by the students and then manufactured by an assigned business. The students would then document and present our observations in an event hosted by the meetup group. The collaboration was fascinating to me and I couldn’t wait to get inside an actual factory, but the details of the project were more exciting than what it turned out to be, at least for me. I was assigned to a manufacturer that considered themselves a start-up and I had no clue as to how we would communicate.
We made it through and luckily for me, I got what I wanted to experience, which was to initiate something on my own without having someone guide me along the way or telling me what I needed to figure out. I was mindful to stay on track with what needed to be completed, I was mindful about keeping meeting and dates planned out and I kept telling myself that the main objective of this project was “pr” for both of the members of the teams. It was a bit annoying because, metaphorically speaking, I was moving left, while the founder of the business I was assigned to was going right and I’m not referencing political agendas here. I later realized that the cofounder was building her startup using all of her skills regardless of any “real” in depth knowledge of what was introduced in schools or industry. We used that lack of knowledge to our advantage to introduce and speak about her business. She kept reminding me that people, overall, want to hear the story behind the cause most of the time and micro details come later.
One of my most recent summer adventures included taking us out to the botanical gardens. It was a bit out of the way because the gardens are in the middle of Brooklyn, but luckily, having a car helps get around at ease without feeling like sweaty popsicles in the humidity. But my timing was perfect, mostly because I had planned to visit during the park’s free admission hours that the garden offers and finding parking wasn’t as hard as I anticipated. I was mostly nervous about the parking but once there, the street cleaning rules were just about over. So, I left my parking spot with peace of mind that I wouldn’t be paying a 45-dollar parking ticket.
As I walked through the entrance, on the left of me, was the garden’s gift shop. As I quickly glanced at it, it had a few plants for sale and other gardening-like supplies, lined up outside of the shop. Although I planned to check it out before I left, I was exhausted by the end of my walk through the garden. The landscape was wide and lengthy with such an interesting variety of plant species that I wouldn’t have seen before. The first thing that greeted us was the Japanese garden and its layout design brought a feeling of peacefulness and calm, which was new and very much needed. The lake was a greenish color with multi colored koi fish grazing the surface of the water. A little description box inside the gazebo described koi fish to symbolize good fortune or good luck along with perseverance especially during adversity.
Another favorite location that I spend most of my time in, was the Cranford Rose Garden. Every corner of the rose garden was picturesque with a variety of hues popping out of the seas of green. I was in bliss but couldn’t help but imagine how much more vibrant and fuller the roses would be if this were a different time during the season when they were all in full bloom. The garden had a mix of old species of roses that were common before the 1860’s which was a unique fact. Some were small and some were large with variations of white and pink, but one color was missing from the bunch, red. Sadly, I didn’t see any and I was hoping to stumble on a big bush of them, but I found nothing. Which made me wonder in which season do they grow in because as of yet, I haven’t found any bushes with vibrant large red roses.
I had to pick my battles and after a while it became difficult to guide my toddler, while angling a camera just to catch a moment and trying to embrace my surroundings. I needed to shift my attention and really just enjoy this time with my toddler. I think she enjoyed it although probably didn’t understand what she was seeing. But it inspired me, it was beautiful, inspirational and peaceful, which is a good prescription after a stressful week or a month. Even just for a few hours to de-stress could make everything feel anew. I saw people laying on the grass and reading, some were just sitting and staring at the sights while others were aiming to capture those perfect photographs. What I believe made it more peaceful was that we went in the morning. Mornings are by far the most peaceful times of day, once you’re up, your senses are just coming into focus and that awakening can feel refreshing and enlightening. Another odd thing is that, the garden hardly echoed the loud sounds of the usual heavy traffic around the garden’s location, the middle of Brooklyn, New York. It’s as if the plants observed the sound and echoed bird sounds instead, which seems like quite a bizarre phenomenon.
It’s interesting how psychologists and mental health gurus preach about not placing value on the number of likes or views on social media, but if academic success is based on a number. Is it not the same thing? Both could be argued are irrelevant to each other, yet both have an underlying concept; that personal value or worth is derived from a number. personality and charisma contribute as well, but what makes you shine or stand out from the rest are the stats or specific quality so refined that can be measured by some metric. sports are all about analytics and major trading franchise decisions are based on those numbers and in one of my classes titled industrial psychology, the professor had a whole lesson on resumes and cover letters. It was surprising to hear that most hiring decisions are again based on the number of points that a resume generates by decision maker and just recently, my mother-in-law, had expressed to me that she needed to review resumes for a new hire and she based the applicants worthiness by the number of points she gave the resume… it went full circle and told myself isn’t that interesting. If even resumes get graded by number of points, what isn’t measured by a number? And is it possible to grow in a career without tracking success through numbers?
I understand that not everything is based the numbers, but
why do we spend most of our lives working to achieve those targets. In the United
States and in other countries in South America, for many of us, unless some
unusual circumstance, we’ve gone through the twelve plus years in school and
have only ascended to the next level because we achieved the requirements that
was measured by specific target numbers. I am starting to believe that it’s not
wrong or a negative to compare a skill or success by a number, but it’s odd to
me how there are mixed messages about the topic. It’s important for people to
focus on other traits like those involved with, I don’t know, behind human,
understand how to show respect and how to act when you are getting respect,
being nice to whomever you happen to interact with and not just because they
might be an important person, but because it’s the right thing to do, even if
you don’t feel like it.
In some ways, measuring stats is an easy identifiable way to
get an overall view of skills or achievements and makes those great
achievements that much more recognizable to someone who may not know you yet.
Besides this logic, since I started my bachelor’s degree, I’ve challenged
myself to be ultra-ambitious. I’ve placed this pressure on myself to achieve all
A’s in all of my classes. I’m stepping up to the challenge of aiming for all
As, cause truth be told, I’ve never been that student or that studious to be
worth As. I’ve got to admit that has always been a contributor to me believing
I couldn’t amount to anything. Deep down, I know it wasn’t true, but my
confidence would dictate something else. perhaps this is the reason why I do
correlate success with numbers because for so long, seeing my status and lack
of academic achievements, I would get partially depressed over them and it
would make me feel insecure about my future.
It’s definitely a debatable topic, but what do you think? do you believe we are valued by our stats? if we shouldn’t care about the number, why are we constantly evaluated with numbers? do our paychecks resemble those numbers? what do you think?
A new mantra I’ve adopted says “it doesn’t matter how much you know, but rather how much you care”. I heard this earlier this year, but it had not been proven true to me until the middle of my most recent school semester. The spring semester was one of the toughest, most stressful, and agonizing school terms as of yet. I took more classes than any other semester, some online and in-class, all while my daughter was entering the “terrible two’s.”
In a few of my classes, I was required to work with partners and for one class in particular, I decided to partner with a student, who I believed was a top student. He had the best grades in class, understood the material and could practically re-teach the whole lecture.
We partnered up for three projects and before we started, he stated how much he did not care about the work we were about to do. He wasn’t interested and who could blame him, but for me, it was different. I did care and was genuinely interested in what we were working on. I didn’t just care about getting a good grade, but was curious about the process and getting a “preview” of something I might be asked to do some day during my career, possibly. Plus, I was taking away valuable time from my family to finish these assignments, no matter how mediocre, I needed a return in my investment and my time. I was going to use the assignment as a trial to build my confidence in myself and learn more about my capabilities. It was a difference of opinions and as long as the work was completed, that’s all we focused on.
We worked well, for the most part but not without some hick ups, naturally. He seemed to have a tough time staying focused since other students would ask for his help and other personal problems. Most of the assignments were rushed to get finished on the last day, but luckily, we both worked fast and efficiently. Once all the work was handed in, we agreed that we had challenged one another in ways we didn’t expect. We had different capabilities and I got to know which areas I was weaker in. Working with someone who approached the problem differently was an interesting learning experience. I was able to see a different side of myself that otherwise might not have been noticed. Through this partnership, I learned that staying humble and patient is the best remedy to staying motivated enough to finish the work together.
Finally, little by little, I think I’m getting back to my creative self again. It’s difficult to manage creative thinking with the more logical and reasoning side. For some time now, I feel like I’ve lost that creative thinking side of me. My most recent college semester was really demanding and for the first time in my academic career, I didn’t take some sort of art or self expression coarse. Here’s what I mean, since high school I’ve had some sort of art class that forced me to constantly create something and therefore, I’ve consistently forced myself to think creatively. Reflecting back, it feels like a blessing and curse.
Its a blessing because I got a chance to change my routine, to try a different side of myself that I didn’t understand very much. But within my new degree, most of my classes consist of business courses. I’ve come to realize and compare how much more differently it forces you to think, yet creative courses can take you around the universe and back. Literally the sky’s the limit on your imagination. But taking mostly business coarse’s is a curse because its like building a new muscle, building a new set of skills is tough the first go-around. Luckily the more frequently I use it, the more it becomes second nature and then it starts to feel like it is on autopilot. The only thing is, I’m not bombarded with the types of scenario’s studied in class to consistently practice what I’ve been learning. A skill truly develops once its practiced frequently, but how do I get there without being forced to utilize it?
Here’s a picture of my new nail polish, my logical side would call this green and if I’m being political, then I would say dark green. But I can also call this color emerald. Emerald, a quick google search describes it as the color that encourages growth, reflection, peace and balance. Apparently, the verdant tones reflected in the jewel are tempered by a cool blue that symbolizes a steadfast bond. Isn’t that description beautiful and coincidently describes this post perfectly.
In the beginning of this month, I told myself I needed to find something to track my progress, track my habits, track my activities. The little details of my progress were the breadcrumbs I wanted to leave a trace of, as I improved… yet, I struggled with trusting myself to commit because I had no clue as to where to start and what to try.
One time, I had tried using different journals for each goal category. But different journals work if you can remember what you actually put in them and where you last left them. Also, the added task of reminding yourself to keep updating them. It felt chaotic and messy, making the task of tracking uninspiring and burdensome.
After watching a few Youtubers like Amy Landino and Tasha from one big happy family, I started to feel more prepared to tackle this new journal journey! i decided to reuse a simple Mead spiral notebook, along with different colored sharpies and a few sigma micron pens. I gave it my best artistic typographical attempt for each page heading. Being able to inject a bit of creativity feels refreshing and new, almost therapeutic. I added a section for my long term goals, (micro) February goals and, most importantly, my daughters goals. Other important sections included habits to maintain my health and one dedicated page just for brainstorming content. Lastly, a page dedicated to reminding me of the most mundane tasks needed for the household.
Its never to late to start talking about goals and the different ways that one can use to prepare and tackle them. The small steps completed daily contribute to strengthening those bigger goals. With that being said, I hope you are ready to tackle 2019 because we’ve still got eleven more months to go to make a real difference
Thank you for taking the time to check out this blog post. I hope you find this kind of content inspirational or insightful. What are your goals like for 2019? What are you doing to keep track of them?
Probably not, but neither am I really sure and currently to focused on finishing this post to stop writing just to google it. I still consider this time as Fall because the trees still have leaves on them. Albeit, not as much but non the less, they are still hanging on. I find it inspiring to see how many different colors the leaves turn into. Then how the ground is littered with these multicolored shades of yellow, brown and reds with a tiny streak of green. Sometimes I ask myself if these leaves would be a good source of material for creating art pieces. I wonder if someone has already been so bold to ask themselves the same thing and actually make something beautiful out of them. I’ve picked one up just to examine it; to observe the array of colors, to feel the texture and to admire its irregular shape. To bad it’ll be gone soon before I take the time to make something beautiful out of them myself.
Just like seeing how pretty the burgundy hue of the leaves were, I was equally pleased to see how nicely this thrifted Topshop burgundy wool coat fit on me. The arms were not to long or tight around the armhole. The material was in good condition, minus the signature thrift shop scent. The lining was in decent condition, shiny and smooth and the pockets had no holes. It had a detachable black faux fur Peter Pan collar that looked like it had seen better days. I was impressed. The pros were greater then the cons and that made me happy, so I took it home.