Authenticity & it’s four Attributes

During the first day of my internship training, there was a girl in my group who made it her mission to point out to me how “fake” she thought I was. She didn’t say it to me privately, instead, she timed it so everyone else in the group would hear her opinion of me by saying it out loud during one of our quick 10 minute breaks. The girl was not a stranger to me because we had started the same internship program from the very beginning. Her sudden hostility towards me was strange, super random and I was left confused for the remainder of that training day. I had no idea what I could have done to cause her to say that and I couldn’t recall ever being out of line or disrespectful towards her. In order to hide my embarrassment and try to be polite, I let out a nervous laugh because I was trying to brushed it off as if she were telling me an insider joke.

Thinking back to that moment, I was so naive to social cues and didn’t realize when someone was being out of line towards me. I let her continually name call me, although it really upset me yet I didn’t comment back or bother to ask her why she was doing it. Honestly, I thought that I was being the “bigger person” and tried to not let it show that it was affecting me! Needless to say, I kept a fair distance from her and would try to avoid situations where I had to have a conversation other then work. Part of me couldn’t tell the difference between a joke or if it was a direct personal attack and not knowing the difference made me feel insecure, especially when I was around her.

So before I get to my point, I want to share another more recent story of a male coworker who consistently had a snarky comeback whenever I would attempt a causal work conversation. His attitude and mannerisms towards me would feel boorish, meanwhile other coworkers would have nothing but praise for his helpfulness and goodness. I took his animosity personally because it felt like it was gradually getting more indifferent and hostile. Being around him was like walking on eggshells and I would purposely stay clear of his path (although it was really difficult because we all had to work in a tiny office). I wouldn’t ask him for anything or bother with advice and I dreaded being left alone with him whenever the other coworkers left the office during lunch breaks or for any other reason.

One work day I had decided that I had had enough of his toxic attitude and dished it right back to him, exactly how he would towards me. When I looked at his face, his eyes were a little wide and he had a bit of a smirk. He then said, “finally, she speaks for herself.” In that moment, I didn’t know what exactly he meant but after that one comeback, he started being friendlier. Shooting for conversations rather then building negative tension. It seemed like suddenly, this male co worker wanted to have a decent working relationship… go fucken figure.

What I failed to realize was that, ultimately, it didn’t matter what these people said or even how they behaved towards me. What was important was how I responded and handled those different personalities and how much I would let them affect me or influence me personally. If I would have been self-aware, I would have been able to pick up on those subtle shady cues a lot quicker rather then letting my personal feelings decipher what every interaction meant. Here are a list of a few traits I wish I would have learned earlier in life, a set of traits that wouldn’t have allowed for these scenarios to play out the way that they did.

1. self awareness

to have self-awareness is an advantage over those who do not have it or don’t even know what it means in the long term (ei. me). I believe that self awareness is a skill because it means that you understand and trust yourself without a doubt and can’t be easily swayed or influenced. Its a skill build on balancing confidence and vulnerability together although each trait can cancel each other out. It may sound easy, but this is a mindset that is difficult to master because your exposing yourself to the world around you and therefore potentially having others judge you harshly.

2. boldness

boldness is having the ability to be forward and intentional with whomever it may be about whatever you personally believe in. Sharing with them your specific interest without fearing that you won’t be accepted somehow because others might not agree with you. I feel like deep down we all want to get some kind of approval from those around us and maybe even more from people who may not even know us directly.

3. honesty

honesty, the key ingredient for authenticity because it flourishes when you stop lying about who you are and about who your pretending to become. There is nothing wrong about having aspirations of a future better you. But by humbling yourself to see where you are at that moment, where you are mentally and physically, starts the process of self reflection. A quick google search defines self reflection as meditation or serious thought about ones character, actions and motives. From my personal experiences, self reflection is one of the greatest gifts you can give your future self by taking a little bit of time to think about you. I know it sounds selfish but if your rebuilding, the first thing every good home needs is a solid foundation.

4. trust

by learning to trust your actions, your choices become more deliberate and thats helpful because there is no way for sure to know what the opportunity costs are of every option available since time and resources are always limited. Trust can go hand in hand with intuition or that “gut feeling” that we all experience from time to time. Figuring out a way to let go of the expectations from others around us jumpstarts the ways in which we learn to depend on ourself and ultimately trust oneself.

I feel like in our society, being talented isn’t enough anymore but whats important and valuable is being authentic because it allows others to connect with you on a personal level other than the work you produce. By connecting with you, it means they might like you and want to continue supporting you by watching your instagram stories or sharing your tweets. It all kind of comes full circle and with all the different options of connecting with people, your personality will be the dividing force between your work and everybody else.

Looking back, I would have responded differently…

Book Reading List x February Reads List

How do you know what you don’t know?

Super excited for my little selection of books that I got from my local library. Normally, I like to purchase the books that catch my attention but I’ve been noticing an annoying pattern. I purchase the books, get a surge of excitement of all the potential valuable information & gleefully find a spot on my bookshelf for it. Then once its neatly placed in its new home,  my dopamine rush fades away, I forget all about the shiny new book. I don’t bother with it for months until I randomly linger through my selection of books. I truly hate that habit…

I value taking home borrowed books from the library because I know I have a deadline, so in some ways, I place more urgency on them versus the ones I already own. Granted, if I really love the book I borrowed from the library, I’ll purchase it! I sort of preview the content of the books by borrowing them first through the library because some authors just repeat information from other authors or its irrelevant to me or my personal interest. I’m curious, do you do the same?

With that being said, here are a few that I picked for the month which sound really exciting to read! Some I’ve already read which I’m considering writing a little summary blog post about but let me know what you think of the titles in the comments below!

books-7The FAB Mom by Jill Simonian, I loved this book because of the wittiness and ‘so true’ experiences that occurs to all new mothers. The author explained her points like a real gun slinger by getting straight to the point about taking care of oneself right after birth whilst managing the life of your newborn. I enjoyed how she used celebrity moms as a way to emphasize her points because celebrities are just like us except with a little bit more time lol

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I’m proud to admit that I’m finally getting through this book, Going Beyond Mom by Randi Zinn, and I’ve already taken multiple pages of notes on only the first few chapters. My favorite aspect of this book is that its based on personal accounts but of many thousands of working mothers who’ve shared their experiences while growing a business. This book is invaluable because it shows and proves how many other moms have created their own opportunities for success.

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I mean… need I say more? Your Money Life Your 20s by Peter Dunn the title pretty much sums up the gist of the book and the sole reason as to why I had to put it in my reading pile. The first ever book about personal finance I completed was Nicole Lapins Rich Bitch and it was a ton of fun to read because it was like having your best girl friend giving you great informed first hand account advice about dinero. I’m hoping this one would give me a different perspective on managing personal finances especially since now I’m a married woooman.

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Lets face it, some people are a lot smarter then you, they may have more drive then you and when it comes to multiplying their money, they may have more cash to play around with. So I’m a 100.1% committed to learning more about what that 1% know through The Rules of Death by Richard Templar because some day I’ll like to be proud knowing that I “made it” even though I’m considered a minority.

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When I first saw this book casually sitting on the shelf, I thought to myself “wow, this’ll make me not feel so bad about myself”. The title way over promised and didn’t really delivery what I was expecting. Before opening the book, I was expecting some intensive research and information that’ll help me psychoanalyze my mental state like a professional psychotherapist… but the topics and lessons revolved around sports, mostly from football and coaches of professional sports team. Let just say, I raved about this book to my husband because I didn’t even bother reading it more than half way.

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The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight, since I haven’t had the chance to get my hands on The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck by Mark Manson I’m praying this one will be just as good!

This is it for now, but by the end of the month I’ll probably have about 10 more books that I may or may not get the chance to read before needing to return them back lol!

 

First Week of 2018 Thoughts & Resolutions

New Year’s Eve was small, cute and cheery. Our family stayed home since New York city has been experiencing some of the coldest temperatures in the city’s history and it didn’t help that we all had a bit of the whooping cough. So we stayed up until the ball dropped and even woke up our babygirl so she can feel the excitement of the new year since it is officially her first one.

For most of the New Year’s Eve day, I spend it planning, planning and more planning. I feel so much more confident overall and secure knowing that I’m not wasting my time because I have a better sense of what to anticipate next. I’ve grown to dislike spending time just pondering on what needs to be done next or wondering if I’m missing something. It such a annoying mental road block when your just sitting there confused about what to do with yourself or, on the other hand, when you have too many plans that it feels overwhelming. Unlike 2017, I’m planning on taking more control in all areas of my life throughout 2018. Here are some of my personal resolutions for 2018:

  1. Don’t overwhelm yourself. To much too fast, halts creativity & that’s no bueno if your trying to create content.
  2. Stop over eating! Portion control will be a waist saver or waist killer.
  3. Go to the gym more! Cause you know your booty is not going to build itself and like Elle Woods said, “endorphins make you happy” lol
  4. Patience will be your greatest gift to yourself and others. Embrace that shit! Lol
  5. Learn to simplify things. Not everything needs more than a day to complete.
  6. Grow a YouTube channel & learn what it means to add value to others.

I purposefully left my list short because each one can be broken down into smaller and more manageable tasks. I believe that resolutions should be goals that turn into habits. A skillful habit that will help guide you into your greater self.

I hope this post sparked some idea or thought that you’d like to further explore. Thanks for reading along and I hope you enjoy the pictures.

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You can catch up with me on instagram And twitter

Five Month Update x Mommy Thoughts

Now that I’m a mom, I constantly have this internal battle with myself regarding the massive changes with this new lifestyle of motherhood. It sickens me whenever I hear other parents say to those who have no kids that they shouldn’t have any kids period, as if their a curse from God. No bueno! I find myself having to remind my baby’s father about our great gift whenever friends ask us how we’re doing. Like, no, you don’t get to complain unless you were the one bearing the pains of birth!

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But I get so confused and upset sometimes because I want to complete my to do list on a daily basis. I’ve got some easy tasks and others that are a pain in the ass, like figuring out how to back up all your electronics (Sheeshh, as tech gets more sophisticated it also seems to be more complicated… or maybe I’m out of touch).

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But I get so confused and upset sometimes because I want to complete my to do list on a daily basis. I’ve got some easy tasks and others that are a pain in the ass, like figuring out how to back up all your electronics (Sheeshh, as tech gets more sophisticated it also seems to be more complicated… or maybe I’m out of touch).

The battle starts with the idea of being constantly present, in the moment with my baby girl. Watching like a hawk for the small details of her development, physical changes and guiding her to understand what’s around her… yet, I have other personal important things to do, goals to accomplish and dreams to fulfill.

Now that I’m a mom, its so ironic to me how I’m more sure and confident about my career and life and what type of action to take… how convenient. It doesn’t help either that I have this constant feeling like theirs a shelf life for my plans and that times being wasting by me choosing to pay attention to my daughters daily activities rather then my own. Then again, I argue, who is she if not the value I place on myself… ultimately, it’s a tug between who’s more important: my daughters development or the future me?…

Maybe its because Isabella’s my first baby that I’m feeling this way, but I haven’t heard many moms talking about this feeling or even express it. I’m literally learning as I go and trying to document it so I can share it with others, but if your a mom and have felt this feeling before, let me know in the comments below! How did you adjust? Did you find a helpful hand from family or did you have to buy it?

Thank you so much for checking out my blog, if you want to check out my socials, they’ll be listed below. Have a blessed day!

white fur coat from Macy’s: onesie from First Impressions: pink headband from Babies R Us: doggy shoes from H&M: black jumper from Aerie

Socials: instagram @rozalyndamoxie | snapchat @rozalyndamoxie