Thanks given through a Flashback

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No, no, and nope. I am not going to be cheesy and start to list all the things that I’m thankful or grateful for because, truth be told, there are too many things to list!

I am not a pessimist, neither am I an optimist. I linger somewhere in the middle because that’s my safe zone. In the past, I’ve had to manage a laundry list of mental health issues and would bounce from one extreme to another. Never feeling mentally strong or stable to understand myself and what I needed verses what I believed I wanted. When I was overly optimistic, I would only focus on the activities that were going “well” and that was it. I would miss the bigger picture or the long term goal because I’d try so hard to stay positive about the present or current situation. Then the opposite happened when my attitude become more pessimistic.

As I was clearing data from my laptop, I stumbled on the picture above. I quickly started to reminisce to that moment in time. I was in the middle of the feeding routine, a mundane task that typically last about hour from start to finish. But a crucial one for my daughters development. This picture was part of a series of shots, each seemingly doing something subtly different; Bella facing out the window or me looking down. As my iPhone was mounted on a tripod in the middle of my kitchen, I set up the self timer to capture us during the routine. Although I didn’t feel very confident wearing such a bold floral quarter sleeve t-shirt, I thought I still looked nice and put together. My hair was tied back into a high ponytail and in my mind, it had bounce, shape and length. Just to see the pictures afterwards and realize the only cute one was sitting still in her high chair wondering what the heck was that black thing doing in the middle of our kitchen.

During my postpartum year, it was unsteady but I kept reminding myself that the moment wouldn’t last. I planned to take it easy on myself for the sake of my mental health, but also wanted to find a way to document what was happening in the moment so I can compare my progress. My biggest fear was to somehow permanently impair my sense of rationality. It was a shakeup year and praying to God for an answer taught me what resiliency really meant.

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Brooks Brothers Puffer Coat OOTD x FBF

I wish I could say that everyday in New York city feels gloriously warm, truly, but that is simply not the reality and I’d be completely lying to you. This is me, almost everyday, wrapped up in a heavy duty puffer coat that bundles me up like a sleeping bag. This one in particular is from Brooks Brothers, its a knee length dark navy blue puffer coat with a cute black feather trim to keep my face warm lol.

Lets raise a glass to effortless, simple and functional outfits cause life is stressful enough!

Cheers to not being famous enough to draw out paparazzi who want to snap pictures of your every step, unapologetically and ruthlessly, whether you look cute or not!

Thank goodness sake for this amazing lightweight Mountain Buggy stroller and for museums that house ruins and classic paintings from ancient times!

Here is a little recap of my outfit and a vlog of the days events!

This post is a bit of a throwback because it was on January 16th of 2018! This day was extra special because it was my daughters official first birthday. We decided to celebrate it by taking her to the museum and have a little mini photoshoot but she was not having it because she was asleep the whole time! Thank God #amen lol regardless my husband and I really enjoyed it because there was a lot of things, a lot of history to experience once we were inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan. Its so big and beautiful, every corner is instagram worthy and it really takes your breath away once you step inside. I really don’t think there is another museum like it (or maybe one that I’ve yet to visit). So this is a throwback Thursday kind of post, I had completely forgotten about this day, which was buried under all the other pictures of random life shenanigans on my iPhone.

I hope you enjoy and maybe even brings a little smile to your face, like if you like and follow for more content. Let me know what you think of the video or the outfit below in the comments, until next time!

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First Birthday Recap Video x January Thoughts

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Its been one hectic start of the new year because this January is extra special. The reason for that is because it is my daughters first birthday, she’s officially turning one years old and it marks a huge milestone for our little family. We have gone through plenty of sleepless nights, some not even due to our daughters needs but from us worrying about our personal finances, lack of job opportunities and that dreaded feeling of helplessness brought by a loss of identity. Although, caring for our baby girl wasn’t as tough as we had in mind, in fact, is was quiet manageable. Those moments where we had to put her to sleep (and keep her asleep) were the most relaxing because it allowed a joyful momentary sense of relief from our worries and concerns. What has truly been tough, is finding a way to get over the uncertainty of our finances. My fiance and I went through some time where we continually questioned who we are because we were stuck in a runt! what should we be doing to change the coarse of our future and what are we missing that we just can’t fully grasp?

It was one long and difficult 2017 but what was consistent was our faith. Our faith become like our backbone whenever we felt like we were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I am beyond grateful that tomorrow will honestly be the start of a new beginning for us because my fianc√© will start his new full time job as an apprentice, but he has high hopes that he could move up within the company. He mentioned to me that he made a great impression with his (future) employers and they all¬†unanimously agreed they wanted to hire him. When I heard the details, I wasn’t surprised, his a great guy and with natural genuine charisma. On the other hand, although I’ve held a part time flexible job throughout the year, it doesn’t pay well. Going forward, I’m going to be applying to different jobs and my only condition is to work from home. I often say that I’ll hire a babysitter, but I’m very weary of someone else watching my daughter, even with my own family.

Anyways, heres a recap of photographs and an awesome video I edited together of our daughters first birthday celebration. I hope you enjoy and let me know in the comments below what you think about the video and my semi botched edited lol. Until next time lovelies!

ps. in the next couple of months I’m planning to change the appearances of my blog so stayed tuned for that!

Five Month Update x Mommy Thoughts

Now that I’m a mom, I constantly have this internal battle with myself regarding the massive changes with this new lifestyle of motherhood. It sickens me whenever I hear other parents say to those who have no kids that they shouldn’t have any kids period, as if their a curse from God. No bueno! I find myself having to remind my baby’s father about our great gift whenever friends ask us how we’re doing. Like, no, you don’t get to complain unless you were the one bearing the pains of birth!

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But I get so confused and upset sometimes because I want to complete my to do list on a daily basis. I’ve got some easy tasks and others that are a pain in the ass, like figuring out how to back up all your electronics (Sheeshh, as tech gets more sophisticated it also seems to be more complicated… or maybe I’m out of touch).

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But I get so confused and upset sometimes because I want to complete my to do list on a daily basis. I’ve got some easy tasks and others that are a pain in the ass, like figuring out how to back up all your electronics (Sheeshh, as tech gets more sophisticated it also seems to be more complicated… or maybe I’m out of touch).

The battle starts with the idea of being constantly present, in the moment with my baby girl. Watching like a hawk for the small details of her development, physical changes and guiding her to understand what’s around her… yet, I have other personal important things to do, goals to accomplish and dreams to fulfill.

Now that I’m a mom, its so ironic to me how I’m more sure and confident about my career and life and what type of action to take… how convenient. It doesn’t help either that I have this constant feeling like theirs a shelf life for my plans and that times being wasting by me choosing to pay attention to my daughters daily activities rather then my own. Then again, I argue, who is she if not the value I place on myself… ultimately, it’s a tug between who’s more important: my daughters development or the future me?…

Maybe its because Isabella’s my first baby that I’m feeling this way, but I haven’t heard many moms talking about this feeling or even express it. I’m literally learning as I go and trying to document it so I can share it with others, but if your a mom and have felt this feeling before, let me know in the comments below! How did you adjust? Did you find a helpful hand from family or did you have to buy it?

Thank you so much for checking out my blog, if you want to check out my socials, they’ll be listed below. Have a blessed day!

white fur coat from Macy’s: onesie from First Impressions: pink headband from Babies R Us: doggy shoes from H&M: black jumper from Aerie

Socials: instagram @rozalyndamoxie | snapchat @rozalyndamoxie